The entrepreneur and co-founder of the Urban Gym Group tells Kath Hudson how personal loss inspired her to establish Renessence, one of Europe’s first wellbeing clubs

I was a bit of a golden girl, both at work and at home. I come from a loving family with one brother. My ex-partner and I started a business together and had a son and a daughter. Everything was perfect. But when I was 48, my partner decided he didn't want to continue with our marriage and family; he wanted a different future and my life was turned upside down.

My daughter, who was 13, was having a difficult time and struggling with her mental health, while my 16-year-old son was rebelling. I was alone and my heart was broken. Then my brother suddenly died of a heart attack while playing tennis.

He was 48 – we were only 13 months apart – he was my buddy and we were very close.

That was in 2019, so COVID followed shortly after. Compared to the grief in my personal life, the pandemic was easy. We lost money, but that's nothing compared to the loss of loved ones.

I’ve learned that sometimes life gets very dark, but that the sun always shines again

Focus on what you can influence
Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People became my bible during this difficult period. One of the chapters is about the circle of influence – there are things in life you can influence and others you cannot and you choose where to put your energy. It taught me to let go of the things I couldn't influence and focus on the things I could.

I couldn't bring my brother back, but there were problems in the company that I could solve, so together with my business partner, Jordy Kool, we rolled up our sleeves and got to work.

For me, work is a kind of remedy; I love the company and our industry so much. It gives me freedom and fills me with passion. Although the pandemic was intense, it gave Jordy and me valuable time with our teams that we will never have again. We had 10 months to discuss strategy and restructure the entire business. We got to know the teams better – from the shop floor, to the head office. Ultimately, we promoted three women who had been working behind the scenes to key positions.

For me, work is a kind of remedy; I love the company and our industry so much. It gives me freedom and fills me with passion

I sought a lot of help during this period: talk therapy, retreats, breathwork, bodywork and massage. I was open to everything and learned a lot about myself by going through different layers of trauma. I realised that some of the pain I was feeling was caused by events from the distant past and was able to let that go. It felt like peeling back the layers of an onion.

This period also inspired the launch of our wellness concept, Renessence. We had a fitness club in Amsterdam's financial district that was hit hard by COVID when people stopped going to the office, so we decided to do something different with the space. I was inspired by various social wellness concepts in the US and wanted to create a place for wellness and relaxation. Somewhere people could be completely themselves.

I realised something profound: we’re all simply humans, doing our best, carrying our own battles, often unseen

We were early adopters of the modalities for a long life. In addition to treatments, yoga, meditation and breathwork, we offer cryotherapy, infrared saunas, flotation tanks, ice baths, infusions and oxygen-hydroxy therapy.

Although we had to invest a lot in this location, it has turned out beautifully and is a place people love to come. Next year, we’ll take it to the next level by expanding our range of services. There’s an increasing need for mental health support and interventions that calm the nervous system. We’re going to focus on these even more.

The sun will shine again
I’ve learned that sometimes it gets very dark, but that the sun will shine again. When my brother died, I thought I couldn't sink any lower, that I was in a terrible situation, but the sun came out again. Sometimes you can't imagine it, but it does happen.

If you find yourself in a terrible situation, there will be a tiny light far away, try to see it. Maybe it's a flower, maybe a bird, but it will be there.

I sought a lot of help: talk therapy, retreats, breathwork, bodywork and massage and this inspired the launch of our wellness concept, Renessence

My outlook on life changed completely during that period. I became stronger and my heart grew a little tougher. It also made me realise how important it is to really live in the moment and taught me how to enjoy my life.

I’m now more involved with all aspects of my life and, although I love my work, I make more room for my family, my friends and my new love. And what I’m most proud of is that my son and daughter are doing fantastically well. My son is going to study business administration next year and my daughter is studying fashion in Paris.

I can look in the mirror and sincerely say, ‘I’m an intensely happy woman.’